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Sep. 7th, 2011 01:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Natalya usually went on August 26th, the anniversary of the day the Soyuz had crashed onto the island, but she hadn't this year. She'd thought about it, toward the end of the day, but she'd had plans to see Sam and she couldn't bring herself to postpone or cancel them. It was a funny thing, to find herself with plans. And then she'd stayed away because she was afraid of facing it, she realized. After the inarguable failure that the Rapture operation had proven to be, she just... Hadn't wanted to walk up to the cemetery and look at the names, and remember the wreckage and all the people she'd let down.
But that was cowardice, so she dressed in khaki shorts and ankle boots that were good for the terrain and a black tank top, and she headed for the cemetery, Ahimsa following curiously behind.
But that was cowardice, so she dressed in khaki shorts and ankle boots that were good for the terrain and a black tank top, and she headed for the cemetery, Ahimsa following curiously behind.
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Date: 2011-09-07 05:35 am (UTC)In this case, he's on the path, taking long strides on his way to Natalya's, only to find her heading his way. He stops, a small, pleased smile quirking his lips. "Hey," Sam calls as she nears him. "Where you off to?"
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Date: 2011-09-07 05:53 am (UTC)"Sam. I was, eh, going for walk. You?"
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Date: 2011-09-07 06:26 am (UTC)"Joining you for a walk?" he tries with a hopeful look.
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Date: 2011-09-07 06:42 am (UTC)"...Da," she said after a moment, walking over to him to brush her fingers against his arm and lean up, to press her lips to the corner of his mouth.
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Date: 2011-09-07 06:53 am (UTC)He sneaks his hand up to catch her fingers, holding her hand as he turns to match her stride. "Anywhere in particular?"
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Date: 2011-09-07 06:56 am (UTC)That was one way to ease into it, she figured. Ahimsa went off ahead of them and disappeared into a thick patch of ferns, and Natalya threaded her fingers with Sam's.
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Date: 2011-09-07 07:10 am (UTC)He frowns and looks at her sideways. "Uh.. yeah. Is-- Are you paying your respects?" That's what normal people did at a cemetery, right?
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Date: 2011-09-07 02:54 pm (UTC)"Two people here I am bury. Some time ago, now."
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Date: 2011-09-11 04:58 am (UTC)"From home?" he guesses. "Men you knew?"
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Date: 2011-09-11 05:32 am (UTC)"Three people on space station when plague was hit. Two were men. One was Vladimir, cosmonaut. Him I was to bring home."
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Date: 2011-09-11 08:19 am (UTC)"Did the plague get them?" he asks. "Something happen when they landed?"
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Date: 2011-09-11 08:26 am (UTC)Women and children first, indeed. Her expression remained, if anything, neutral, maybe vaguely distant, but over all smooth and undistressed. Her eyes stayed focused on the path ahead.
"Both men are die in flames. I am not able to be saving them. Some months after I am arrive on island, Soyuz capsule is arrive also."
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Date: 2011-09-11 06:16 pm (UTC)"Is this the day it showed up before?" he asks, using that breath for something else.
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Date: 2011-09-11 06:29 pm (UTC)"But this day I did not go, and so I am going today."
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Date: 2011-09-12 07:12 am (UTC)He squeezes her hand gently, tugs her a little closer so that their arms brush together. “Thanks for letting me walk with you.”
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Date: 2011-09-12 11:09 pm (UTC)"Thank you for walking with me," she replied.
"Is... strange," she added, carefully, glancing up at him, "being with someone and letting them... see these pieces, things usually you would not. Da?"
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Date: 2011-09-16 11:52 pm (UTC)Yeah, it's fucking terrifying.
"Yeah," he says, nodding. "People say.. the truth will set you free. Stuff like that. It's probably true, but it's hard to get there. Takes a lot of courage." He gives Natalya a small smile.
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Date: 2011-09-17 06:04 am (UTC)"Mmn."
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Date: 2011-09-17 07:43 pm (UTC)The walk to the cemetery isn't short, but it is beautiful. The weather's perfect as usual, the faint smell of the sea mixed with flowery perfumes on the gentle breeze. Sunlight streams through the trees and open spaces, brightening their path edged with lush greenery and bright flowers. The birds sing and it's perfectly idyllic, making their silence natural and easy.
When they reach the cemetery, Sam gives Natalya's hand a squeeze again and lets her take the lead. He's only been here once or twice and not to take note of anything. He doesn't know where to go.
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Date: 2011-09-17 08:37 pm (UTC)She stopped in front of them and crossed her arms low against her ribs.
"I only have same thing to say for them, each time. If they can hear, must be very bored, by now."
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Date: 2011-09-17 09:50 pm (UTC)"I bet they think it's nice," Sam counters gently. "To know someone's thinking of them. If the words fit, there's no reason to change them."
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Date: 2011-09-18 06:42 am (UTC)"Prostite menya," she told the dead men. Ahimsa rested the tip of her muzzle briefly on Natalya's shoulder. The former Spetsnaz stood and absently pet the wolf on the head.
"This is all there is."
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Date: 2011-09-19 11:43 pm (UTC)Sam nods before the words filter through, ready to turn away and leave the moment as it is. But he stops himself with a slight frown. "Did you just apologize?" he asks.
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Date: 2011-09-20 03:52 am (UTC)"You are learning. Da, is like apology. We say this, is casual, is what is said when we are do something is require apology. Really is..." She pushed her hair back with one hand, then hooked it firmly behind her ear.
"Is ask forgiveness."
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Date: 2011-09-23 08:19 am (UTC)"You said they died in the crash. Not being able to save them... that's not the same as needing forgiveness. You tried. I'm sure you tried your best, which is better than most people's best. How can they forgive you when you've done nothing wrong?"
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Date: 2011-09-23 12:11 pm (UTC)"There were other factors, things I could have changed, done better. But ultimately... In the end," she said, after a moment of casting about for the right phrase, "was my mission. Was all I was sent to do, and in this mission, I failed."
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Date: 2011-09-24 05:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 05:20 am (UTC)"This is all you can do."
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Date: 2011-09-26 05:31 am (UTC)His eyes drift down to the object in her hands. "Is that yours or theirs?"
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Date: 2011-09-26 06:01 am (UTC)"This is mine. It is remind me I am capable of earning much. Is remind me of what this can cost, da?" She turned the star over in her fingertips, watching the light glint off of it, before folding her hand around it again and squeezing it so the points dug into her skin.
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Date: 2011-09-29 09:11 pm (UTC)He sees the strain in her fingers, how tightly she holds onto the medal, and moves to stand in front of her. His hand slides over hers, holding her grasping hand in his. "Reminders are good," Sam says without reservation, no 'but' hidden in his tone. "Just don't hurt yourself too much with them. It doesn't do any good and... I don't think they'd like it much either."
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Date: 2011-09-29 10:39 pm (UTC)Her closed fist loosened under his hands.
"...maybe you are right."
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Date: 2011-09-29 11:09 pm (UTC)"Ready to go?" he asks, also asking, with his eyes as best he can, if she's done with the topic or wants to talk to him more about it.